13 Things That Make Me a Lousy Catholic

I stumbled upon a old post by Rachel Held Evans entitled "13 Things that Make Me a Lousy Evangelical."  It is a nice mix of theological and cultural issues where she departs from standard conservative Christian talking points.  Along the same lines, here are my 13 things that make me a bad Catholic, at least for certain values of "Catholic."

1.  I find saying the Rosary to be extremely tedious, so I almost never do it.

2.  I've read all of Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body lectures.  I think there are mostly incomprehensible, and the parts that are understandable are cartoonishly misogynistic.

3.  I think priests and bishops who wear the old-fashioned clerical garb, like Cardinal Burke in this picture, look ridiculous.  Plus, and I want to say this delicately, I think Liberace would find an outfit like this to be somewhat over the top.

4.  I think Medjugorje is basically a scam.  I have serious doubts about Fatima and maybe even Lourdes, too.

5.  I am not sure John Paul II did more good than harm to the Church.

6.   I am beginning to think that Christianity would be about 100 times better if we could build a time machine and send a nice Jewish psychotherapist back in time to help St. Augustine work through his issues with women and sex.  It just seems so much more efficient than finding a nice Jewish psychotherapist for each of the hierarchy and a big chunk of the laity to work out their issues with sex.

6.1  While we are at it, maybe a visit to St. Paul would be a good idea.

7.  I think Luther made some good points in his 95 Theses.

8.  I find Confession to be almost entirely unpleasant and not particularly edifying spiritually.  Face-to-face Confession is even worse.

9.  I think that a majority of the priests I have encountered in my life would flunk Val Doner's high school Speech class, and couldn't preach their way out of a paper bag.

10.  The pre-Vatican II Tridentine Mass bores me to tears and does nothing for me spiritually.  If the Church went back to the Tridentine Mass in Latin all the time, I don't think I could continue to be Catholic.

11.  If Opus Dei is not a cult, I think it is way, way too close to the line.  Some of those other "lay movements" in the Church are pretty cult-like as well.

12.  I think Bill Donohue needs to shut the f*** up.  George Weigel and Robert George, too.  And that Priests for Life guy--I think his name is Pavone.  Basically, everyone on EWTN.

13.  I've attended Episcopalian services where the presider was a woman.  It didn't seem remotely weird or wrong to me.  I even took Communion, even though I know I am not supposed to.


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